Twilight Labyrinth

when emotions are set on overdrive, there’s no telling where you’ll go, where you’ll end up, what you’ll do… and how the hell you got to where you are.    there’s no slowing down, no holding back. a sharp turn would cause you to spin. uphill will get you all revved up. downhill will make your gut feel all queazy…  sometimes you need to put on your hazard to park and catch your breath.  and if the time comes that you lose control, or a head on collission occurs, you crash and burn.

but it’s all thrilling. the exilharating experience will make you want to try it all over again.  sometimes, with lessons learned. sometimes without.

so go ahead. drive like there’s no tomorrow.  you’ll learn that the journey is more fun than the destination.

and if someday you do reach your destination, quit it with the speeding. drive on with criusing speed. and cruise on til the end of your journey.

i want it. no i don’t. i think i don’t. i hope i don’t. i don’t want things to get complicated. tsktsk. why do i always find myself in these… "circumstances?"

life was so much less complicated. these past few weeks, i’ve been driving myself nuts.  so not funny. i’d catch myself staring into space. floating. hay naku! this morning, i was almost driven to tears by some stupid song playing on the radio. i think i’m losing grip.

ARGH!

i’d really like to know what’s been getting me on my nerves.  on the way home from tagaytay, i already told my friend that something is really bothering me and i can’t quite put my finger on it.  there’s this annoying irritating queazy feeling i have at the pit of my stomach. and i can’t shake it off. (more beer over here please!)

it must be love. YUCK! hahaha! (see? naloloka na ako!)  i guess it’s the feeling of non-reconcilliation with one’s self and with others. or perhaps being stuck between a rock and a really hard surface. either way, i lose.  i guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles.  sometimes you really don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it. and sometimes… the most annoying thing that can happen… is to have something you want, that is aslo wanted by another.

so, do you become selfish? or selfless?

ang hirap pag may humahabol sa huling biyahe ng tren.

*sigh*

this is a really nice song from The Corrs and i just want to share it with you guys…
batu-bato sa langit. ang tamaan, may bukol.

ps: sexy! good luck sa "shopping" date mo tomorrow. *wink*

this is entitled "hopelessly addicted"

Opened my eyes todayAnd I knew there's something differentSaw you in a brand new wayLike the clouds had somehow liftedAnd if yesterday I heardMyself saying these wordsI would swear it was a lie

I don't know why but suddenly I'm fallingWas I so blindI was loving you all the timeNow I'm hopelessly addictedHelplessly attracted

I'll make a wish this dayAnd I'll send it to the heavensThat we will always stayEntwined like this foreverAnd though the world may changeCoz nothing stays the sameI know we will survive

I don't know why but suddenly I'm fallingWas I so blindI was loving you all the timeNow I'm hopelessly addictedNaturally we acted

I don't know why but suddenly I'm fallingI was so blindI was loving you all the timeAnd now I'mHopelessly addictedHelplessly attractedChemically reactedNaturally we actedI was loving you all the timeHopelessly addictedHelplessly attractedChemically reactedNaturally we actedYeah, Ohh

sexy! kapul ba? booyah!

now that all the stress is over and done with, errands and preparations put to an end, i can finally relax and reflect.

this year’s been an emotional roller coaster for me.  sure, i started it in a not so good way.  it’s had its ups and downs all year round… gained new friends, lost old ones… but i plan to end this is in a good way.  what other best way to close 2006 and welcome ‘07 than to spend it with the family?   sure we have our quirks, our own little beckering, but doesn’t every family have that?

it’s a nice christmas for me… had the 1st degree poli’s over for merienda and dinner. 1st degree mom’s side for noche buena. and my friends came over for drinks.  they left at 6am. not so bad for christmas, huh?

we were talking amongst ourselves. realized that indeed we are growing up.  present for drinks were cat, jom, myron, rhon, maisie, fabian and tyrone. my sister even joined us. what’s up with that? hahaha!

the other day, friday 22, we went to tagaytay. present were me, rhon, jom, dex and cat. it was a fun quiet relaxing trip. not to mention, very spontaneous and spur of the moment.

wala lang. we were pairing someone up kasi. looks like something is blooming.

today. i am going to cuenca. and try to finally finish my christmas shopping.

last night, during our exchange gift christmas dinner, i got the avril lavigne cd i wanted. thanks to my papi mikel. too bad he had to leave early coz of his headache / toothache.  a got the body oil i wanted from marian! thanks girl!

was able to buy gretchen’s gift. only to realize afterwards that it’s now "gretch and dicky." so today i buy dicky’s gift.  thank God Cat told me what she wanted but i’ve yet to get it. dex… wants a date. i can’t even find myself a date. so i’ll find him something else. tsk!

freaky thought.  i dreamt of bading last night. hahaha! weird. totally.

i am using used paper as gift wrapper. better recycle those things.  so, please don’t think it’s a cheap thing to do. it’s practical and environment friendly.

i need to get started on my shopping now. go figure what to give my mom n sister. TSK! mind-boggling task.

pasko nanaman. o kay tulin (mawala) ng pera… hahaha! don’t you agree?  don’t get me wrong. i don’t think i’m a scrooge. however, when christmas is just around the corner, i always end up spending more than i’m supposed to. it’s like i always go way beyond my budget. hahaha! it’s like, there’s this itch to just swipe the day away to get all the presents done. true, it’s much better and much more practical to shop at bazaars and tiangges, the malls still provide you with air conditioning, more parking spaces, paperless shopping (ergo, no need to bring so much cash and risk having it stolen.) 

have you noticed that it’s so much easier to shop for girls than to shop for guys? it’s like, i’m already done shopping for my girlfriends and still i see stuff i want to give to them. when it comes to the guys, i mean, their names are like screaming at me from my list. and then there’s this huge ? in my brain.

thence there comes another dilemma. what do you give someone who has everything?

i realize that as we get older, christmas gets more and more complicated.  your list grows longer. your nephews and neices get older and you dont know what to give them when they’re not quite teenagers but no longer kids.  a bigger problem if that kid has an image stuck in your brain at, say, 7 years old when in fact he/she is already 12.

instead of christmas being fun, it gets to be stressful.  parking hassles, parking card bills, too many parties, too little time. you binge drink and worry how you’ll get home, you binge eat and worry about it in january, then realize you only have 2 months before you start hitting the beaches for the summer season and worry how to lose that beer belly and the remnants of the lechon, chocolate-e, ensaymada, hamon, etc.

in the end of it all, christmas is still fun. i love the way our family spends christmas. it’s just  SUPER. (and i can’t wait and i’m excited) and all that food… and the never ending food, drinks, kantahan, tawanan, kwentuhan, alaskahan (kahit ako madalas ang inaalaska.)  it is indeed the most wonderful time of the year.

watching her walk down the isle, i couldn’t stop my tears from falling.

we’ve all been inseparable since 1st year college.  that seems like only yesterday.  and there we were, watching her as she took her vows. til death do they part.  i console myself with the thought that, really, i won’t be losing her.  though far off she’ll be…
forgive me for all this drama. how does this work, really? when the rock you hold on to is miles away? 
i can’t seem to catch a coherent tought right now.  yes, it has been a week since.  but the rain outside simply makes all this harder for me.

i do wish them, gretch n dicky, a great life, a great love, and soon, a great family.

CHEERS!